Interesting article on dating in NYC
A friend of mine sent me this article, which I think accurately describes the dating scene in NYC. There have been a lot of articles and urban fiction books discussing the dating lifestyle in NYC, which I didn't really understand until I moved up here. It's funny how the city breeds a certain culture and expectation (or lack thereof) for establishing relationships. And what's also sad is that these observations also apply to establishing girl friends in the city. (More on this subject in a later post when I've got more time since this could be a lengthy subject....)
The article:
NYC MEN: KIDS IN A CANDY STORE
By BRIDGET HARRISON
May 9, 2004 -- WHEN I first moved here from London three years ago, it took me barely six weeks before I wrote a column titled: "What Is Wrong With New York Men? We're all still asking the same question. I'm onto the thorny topic again after reading an article in this week's New York Observer about the tough time English women have dating American men. The article suggests that Brit girls, who like to get drunk, snog and shag (and tend to be a bit lax in the waxing department) scare New York guys. The article was spot on, but it left out one vital point: American women don't find dating New York guys any easier than we Brits do. I have four female American friends who've already thrown in the towel and, fearing singledom forever, have fled the state altogether. And get this: within weeks of leaving, they all successfully hooked up with great guys from places like Seattle. Meanwhile this city is now so famous for containing attractive single women who can't find a nice guy, it's become a cliché. Even a male friend of mine who recently moved here from London was shocked by the way men behave in this town. "Blokes here behave like misogynist heathens from the Stone Age," he said. "If they sleep with a girl, they don't bother to call. They resent girls who try to pin them down; they think it's normal to have several dates on the go at once. What is going on?" It's this. New York is a honey pot for intelligent, successful women - meaning not only do we outnumber the guys, but they can afford to have ridiculously high standards. Guys here can skip around like boys in a candy store, while we have to make do like housewives with ration books during WWII. The result: We get a city full of fussy, arrogant men who think they hold all the cards - and a lot of disheartened women who think they deserve better. For example: My friend Paula recently broke up with a banker after she told him she wanted to be treated like she was something special. To which he responded: "I find you really attractive and I have a great time with you, but I can't do that right now. I've just got a lot going on." He's 32. Which leads me to another point. In New York, dating must be relegated to an allotted slot - along with walking the dog and working out. It doesn't leave much time for romance.I've just spent a month trying to meet up with a guy who keeps putting me off because of his work commitments. (He's the one who I gave my email to at a party. He took over a week to get in touch). My excitement about our first meeting has long gone - as, I'm sure, has his. But what does he care? There are plenty more like me around. But it's not just the skewed demographics and insane working hours that are the trouble. It's the pressures of living in a highvoltage city where most of our currency is in the superficial. It's hardly normal to live in a world where women should always wax and men should have wads of money. But we think it is. And so around and around it all goes. The guys who have the goods can be even pickier. The women who think they deserve men who have the goods become frustrated. Compounding the problem: We all think about this stuff way too much. Bad dates, lack of dates and occasional great dates have become an allconsuming obsession in this city. So by the time we poor suckers get out on a date it feels more like a job interview. The sad thing is, I believe most guys in this city might be half-decent if they lived in Milwaukee - not Manhattan. Hell, I might even have married one of them by now. Because when you get down to it, here's what's wrong with New York men: They live in New York.
The article:
NYC MEN: KIDS IN A CANDY STORE
By BRIDGET HARRISON
May 9, 2004 -- WHEN I first moved here from London three years ago, it took me barely six weeks before I wrote a column titled: "What Is Wrong With New York Men? We're all still asking the same question. I'm onto the thorny topic again after reading an article in this week's New York Observer about the tough time English women have dating American men. The article suggests that Brit girls, who like to get drunk, snog and shag (and tend to be a bit lax in the waxing department) scare New York guys. The article was spot on, but it left out one vital point: American women don't find dating New York guys any easier than we Brits do. I have four female American friends who've already thrown in the towel and, fearing singledom forever, have fled the state altogether. And get this: within weeks of leaving, they all successfully hooked up with great guys from places like Seattle. Meanwhile this city is now so famous for containing attractive single women who can't find a nice guy, it's become a cliché. Even a male friend of mine who recently moved here from London was shocked by the way men behave in this town. "Blokes here behave like misogynist heathens from the Stone Age," he said. "If they sleep with a girl, they don't bother to call. They resent girls who try to pin them down; they think it's normal to have several dates on the go at once. What is going on?" It's this. New York is a honey pot for intelligent, successful women - meaning not only do we outnumber the guys, but they can afford to have ridiculously high standards. Guys here can skip around like boys in a candy store, while we have to make do like housewives with ration books during WWII. The result: We get a city full of fussy, arrogant men who think they hold all the cards - and a lot of disheartened women who think they deserve better. For example: My friend Paula recently broke up with a banker after she told him she wanted to be treated like she was something special. To which he responded: "I find you really attractive and I have a great time with you, but I can't do that right now. I've just got a lot going on." He's 32. Which leads me to another point. In New York, dating must be relegated to an allotted slot - along with walking the dog and working out. It doesn't leave much time for romance.I've just spent a month trying to meet up with a guy who keeps putting me off because of his work commitments. (He's the one who I gave my email to at a party. He took over a week to get in touch). My excitement about our first meeting has long gone - as, I'm sure, has his. But what does he care? There are plenty more like me around. But it's not just the skewed demographics and insane working hours that are the trouble. It's the pressures of living in a highvoltage city where most of our currency is in the superficial. It's hardly normal to live in a world where women should always wax and men should have wads of money. But we think it is. And so around and around it all goes. The guys who have the goods can be even pickier. The women who think they deserve men who have the goods become frustrated. Compounding the problem: We all think about this stuff way too much. Bad dates, lack of dates and occasional great dates have become an allconsuming obsession in this city. So by the time we poor suckers get out on a date it feels more like a job interview. The sad thing is, I believe most guys in this city might be half-decent if they lived in Milwaukee - not Manhattan. Hell, I might even have married one of them by now. Because when you get down to it, here's what's wrong with New York men: They live in New York.
posted by KC at
1:48 PM
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